Over the years, my friends and I have enjoyed playing a kind of intellectual party game that often spirals into hours of passionate debate. We call it the ever-so-snappy-and-marketable-name of “Alternate Careers,” where we imagine what careers people might have excelled at if they hadn’t chosen their current paths. Recently, our focus turned, once again, to Jon. I just don’t know how that happens, but it does. So much so that the game has now become “would Jon be better at career X or career Y?” and none of the choices have anything to do with what Jon actually does, except my one friend’s proposal that Jon would make a great spaceship counselor because he did Marriage Rescue, and he can figure people out in two minutes, break them down and build them up in three, and then leave them jogging down the path of long-term success in four.

But what if Jon hadn’t ventured into the world of hospitality? What if his sharp mind, fierce determination, unparalleled ability to read people, and illustrious illustriousness had led him down a different path, one other than small business and hospitality guru or spaceship counselor? Time and time again, our nerdy debates lead us to the same conclusion: Jon would have made one hell of a homicide detective. (You thought I was going to say “preacher,” didn’t you?) Let’s take a look at why my friends and I think this.

Analytical Thinking: Seeing the Connections

One of Jon’s most impressive traits is his ability to break down complex problems into manageable parts, seeing connections and patterns that others often miss and asking questions about things others want to avoid. This analytical mindset is the hallmark of a great homicide detective. Just as Jon does recon on a failing bar and immediately begins to dissect the issues—whether it’s poor management, overpouring, or lack of systems—he could just as easily walk into a crime scene and start piecing together the story immediately. Imagine Jon, not identifying a bar’s weak points, but unraveling a suspect’s alibi or finding the hidden clues in a witness’s testimony. His knack for spotting the root cause of problems and getting to the truth of a situation would be invaluable in solving complex cases.

We can all witness him interrogate people, episode after episode, in order to break them down and get them to face the truth of their actions. Of course, there are no Miranda Rights on Bar Rescue. Jon would adapt, though, because he’s not a lawbreaker, not even for a health code violation.

Attention to Detail: The Minutia Matters

Jon is meticulous—nothing escapes his notice. Whether it’s seeing the bacteria colony on the backside of the walk-in cooler handle or knowing whether the head on a beer is bad because the beer is too warm or the glass isn’t clean, Jon’s attention to detail is legendary. In the world of homicide investigation, this level of scrutiny is crucial. A great detective knows that the smallest details can break a case wide open. Jon’s ability to notice what others overlook, combined with his relentless pursuit of perfection, would make him exceptional at examining crime scenes, spotting inconsistencies in evidence, and ultimately, catching the killer. I am to Encyclopedia Brown as Jon is to Sherlock Holmes.

Persistence and Tenacity: Never Giving Up on Justice

If there’s one thing Jon doesn’t do, it’s give up. He is the inventor of the work-around, I think. He’s known for his relentless drive to fulfill his promises and turn things around, no matter how bleak the situation seems. I have written elsewhere in this blog about how when Jon says he’s giving you his heart and soul, he means it. This tenacity is exactly what makes a great homicide detective. Solving a murder can be a long and grueling process, often with more dead ends than breakthroughs. But Jon’s unwavering determination—whether he’s rescuing a bar or uncovering the truth—means he would never stop until justice is served. With his life-long focus on embracing solutions, Jon will work tirelessly to find new leads or follow up old ones. His persistence in tracking down every lead, re-examining every piece of evidence, and pushing through obstacles would undoubtedly lead to the resolution of even the toughest cases.

Fighting for the Vulnerable: Telling the Whole Story

At the core of a homicide detective’s work is a profound sense of justice. These detectives fight for the most vulnerable among us— those who can no longer tell their own stories. Homicide detectives are their champions, ensuring their stories are told and justice is served. This gives homicide detectives a self-righteousness that drives their work. Jon’s work in the bar and restaurant industry mimics this. While the stakes are different, Jon’s commitment to fighting for vulnerable people is unmistakable. He steps into failing businesses where owners, employees, and owners’ families are often on the brink of losing everything. These are people who, in many ways, have lost their voices, overwhelmed by the weight of their struggles. Jon fights for them with the same passion and resolve that a great detective brings to a case, ensuring they have a chance to succeed and reclaim their lives. I’m always amazed when Jon tells someone, “I’ve got your back now,” like he tells Cody in “S6E1: Put It on Cody’s Tab” when Cody has to go up against his drunken father. I can feel a weight come off my shoulders, and I’m just watching the damn thing on TV.

Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: Building Trust to Crack the Case

Jon’s tough exterior is well-known, but so is his ability to connect with people on a deeper level. I’ll never forget him asking Wolfie, “Don’t you enjoy looking in my eyes and getting a reading on how I feel, what I think?” in “S6E3: Weird Science.” While that sounds a bit creepy out of context, Jon really understands the emotions that drive behavior, and he uses this understanding to motivate bar owners and staff to change. This emotional intelligence is crucial in homicide investigations. A great detective needs to build rapport with witnesses, gain the trust of victims’ families, and even navigate the psychology of suspects. Jon’s ability to read people, combined with his genuine empathy, would allow him to draw out confessions, gather crucial information, and understand the human stories behind the crimes.

Strong Communication Skills: Presenting the Case with Authority

Whether he’s confronting a stubborn bar owner or rallying the staff to turn their bar around, Jon’s communication skills are nothing short of masterful. I’ve more than once mentioned how I sit in awe of his ability to outwit others. He knows how to be persuasive, how to get his point across with clarity and impact, and how to lead a team with authority and mutual respect. Even more amazing is how masterfully he can mold and direct people’s emotional worlds and corresponding actions. When he tells people how he expects them to act, he asks, “Have I made my expectations clear?” I want to salute, “Yes, sir!” In the world of homicide detection, these skills are essential. A detective must be commanding and downright fearless, able to adapt to their audiences, know what information to keep and share, and present their theories and findings clearly, whether in an interrogation room, a courtroom, on the street, during an interview, or when coordinating with other law enforcement agencies. Jon’s ability to articulate his thoughts and carry himself with authority would ensure people know Jon is not someone to fuck around and find out with. His evidence would be presented with the precision and command needed to secure convictions just like he presents the Partender results and video surveillance to identify and shut down thievery.

In every episode of Bar Rescue, Jon showcases the skills that would make him an exceptional homicide detective. His analytical mind, keen attention to detail, relentless persistence, deep empathy, and powerful communication abilities are the very traits that separate good detectives from great ones. But perhaps most importantly, Jon’s commitment to fighting for the vulnerable—those who have lost their voices—demonstrates that he shares the same profound sense of justice that drives the best homicide detectives.

So, the next time you’re playing “Alternate Careers” with your friends, and Jon’s name comes up [cough, cough], you can confidently argue that if he hadn’t become the world’s most renown hospitality expert, he would have been the world’s most renown homicide detective. After all, who else could handle the toughest cases, break down the most stubborn suspects, and create justice with the same level of illustriousness as Jon? No one, that’s who.