I imagine that Jon is not the first person who comes to mind when considering role models for loving relationships, even if you are a fan of his show Marriage Rescue. However, a closer look at his relationship with his wife Nicole reveals a surprisingly tender and thoughtful side to Jon, making him an exemplary, although unanticipated, figure for fans to understand how a man can cherish and respect his partner even if he is a hard-ass to the rest of the world. This Valentine’s Day, I pay tribute to Jon for accomplishing such a feat.

I do not know Jon and Nicole personally so I can only speak to what I’ve seen and heard on television, social media, podcasts, and in Jon’s books, and what I have seen and heard is surprisingly sweet for a person so famous for being a prick (although even a casual viewer should know that’s a shallow take on the man). Jon advocates for vulnerability, openness, and a willingness to work for the relationship just as one would work for their business or hobby. He not only prioritizes relationships and family on Bar Rescue, but he also seems to prioritize relationships and family in his personal life. From all reports, he has actively cultivated a deep-seated friendship and mutual respect with Nicole, and they have been married for nearly a quarter century. He openly acknowledges the importance of wanting to be with his wife, not just in the physical sense but in every aspect of life; and their desire to be together, coupled with a willingness to put in the necessary effort to make it happen, forms the foundation of their enduring bond.

Jon arrived at his current point of relational bliss with Nicole via the hard road. He occasionally mentions that he and his first wife had a difficult time working together, which ended their marriage. He recalls that he kept walls up with his first wife, wanting to portray the masculine ideal of strength to her. This prevented them from creating the kind of closeness he has with Nicole. He learned his lesson–that closeness and connection require vulnerability and being known. Jon has said that putting down his walls and sharing all of himself, including his perceived weaknesses, helped him develop a deep level of intimacy with Nicole that strengthens their relationship. Jon was willing to do the hard emotional work and change his ideas of what it means to be a good husband–and possibly even a good man–because, as he says in a podcast with Donnie Wahlberg, “When you commit to loving someone so strong, you commit to changing.”

When talking about his marriage, Jon emphasizes six qualities he believes are essential for a successful one: significance, connection, continuity, contribution, growth, and variety. By actively working with Nicole to ensure these elements are present, Jon demonstrates a proactive and thoughtful approach to nurturing their partnership. The couple’s commitment to staying connected despite Jon’s demanding travel schedule is a testament to their dedication to one another. Nicole travels with Jon about half of his 40 weeks on the road a year. When not together, Jon says they talk daily, text “a hundred times a day,” and try to create shared experiences even when apart. When not working, Jon is often with Nicole, posting pictures of them on their boat, RV, or out and about together enjoying each other’s company. Their way of being frequently together in their day-to-day routines even when they are apart highlights the importance of communication and sharing as a foundational strength in their relationship.

To me, one of the most striking aspects of their relationship is the everyday nature of Jon’s admiration and affection for Nicole. It is evident in the way he speaks about her and the things he says. His soft and affectionate tone, especially when discussing their relationship, underscores a deep sense of reverence and appreciation for his wife and the connection they have cultivated together. Additionally, he is not afraid to let us know he knows his wife and is willing to adore her. For instance, during a podcast episode, a guest mentions macarons and Jon immediately blurts out of context that Nicole loves macarons, and it’s like “Who cares?” But Jon cares, and that’s the whole point. Jon cares about what his wife likes and gets excited just thinking about her liking it. I can think of no better example of a person being significant to another person than such a seemingly little thing like this happening on the daily.

Effectively blending their personal relationship with their work relationship reflects the amount of trust, respect, and mutual support Jon and Nicole’s relationship is built upon. His ability to openly and publicly appreciate her company, value her viewpoints, and recognize her as a mentor illustrates that they have a partnership of equals.

His admiration for her role in his life is reflected in Jon’s continued acknowledgment of her deep understanding of him, her support in helping him achieve his goals, and his appreciation of her intelligence. His recognition of both her beauty and her character further highlight the depth of his love and respect for her. As he says on his own website JonTaffer.com, “I truly believe with my heart and soul that Nicole is my biggest fan.”

Jon tries to live up to that honor, as well. In one of the most interesting interviews I’ve read, Jon told Male Standard that his life’s credo is, “When I lay down on my death bed, my wife and daughter have to think the world of me.” If every man thought that way about his partner(s) and children, this world would be a much better place.

Surely, Jon and Nicole’s mutual admiration has led to their ability to maintain a balance between being friends, lovers, co-workers, and even friendly competitors and showcases a dynamic and engaging relationship that many couples aspire to. In a world where relationships are often portrayed as either fairy-tale perfect or hopelessly flawed, their marriage stands as a model of what is possible when two people commit to loving, respecting, and growing with each other and then do the work to make it happen.

Jon’s perspective on love and marriage surprisingly challenges traditional notions of masculinity and emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence, growth, and mutuality within a partnership. Jon shows us how a man’s man can cherish and honor his wife when his true strength lies in vulnerability, mutual respect, and a ceaseless commitment to his partner, thus making every day seem like Valentine’s Day for Nicole and him.